


The Feeling of Falling in Love

by PandoraTheExplorer



Series: Month of Drabbles Challenge 2018 [14]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aromanticism, Asexuality, Character Study, Gen, me projecting my feelings on romance on a fiction character, suggestive scene but don't worry no one bangs onscreen or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 19:06:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16069397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandoraTheExplorer/pseuds/PandoraTheExplorer
Summary: Wendy explores what it means to love.





	The Feeling of Falling in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Day 18 of my 2018 Month of Drabbles Challenge

When you are five, you go biking into town with Tambry. There you see a boy and a girl, much older than you-they must be in middle school. They look like characters from one of the Disney Channel shows your dad said you were too young to watch.

“That boy is cute,” you whisper to Tambry in the same way you’ve seen the elementary and middle school girls talk about boys in Disney Channel TV shows. Tambry grins at you and bikes up to the boy and the girl.

“My friend thinks you’re cute,” she announces.

“Tambry!” you yell, shoving her off her bike, “Shut up!” The boy laughs awkwardly and walks away.

~

Ten years later you meet the great nephew of your boss and wonder why he looks so familiar.

~

Your father tells you that falling in love is slow and peaceful. He says one day you will look at someone and realize that they are important to you in a different way than friends are.

Romance sounds great, if what your father describes is true. Someday you’d like to love someone the way Mom and Dad did before Mom died. You ask him what the difference is and he shrugs. He says you’ll find out when you get older.

Three years and six boyfriends later, you’re still not sure what the difference is.

~

Robbie tells you that falling in love is like a sudden spark. When you see someone that you’re in love with, he says, you’ll become obsessed with their touch and long for their presence all the time. To your startled expression, he adds that the obsession is a natural one. The arms of someone you love put around your waist would feel different than the arms of anyone else.

Robbie is your seventh boyfriend. You break up with him after two weeks, mainly because he is a liar. He lied to you about making the mix tape. He was also lying about love. You can say for certain that when he put his arms around you, it didn’t feel any different from your brothers’ or Nate’s or Lee’s or Thompson’s or Tambry’s arms.

~

In your fruitless quest to find out what love is, you date a lot of people. By the time you graduate from high school, you’ve dated half the boys in your grade and a third of the girls. You’ve kissed and been kissed more times than you cared to count, and hoped to feel that tingle Robbie described more times than you cared to count.

You’ve also been disappointed by the lack of that tingle more times than you cared to count. That’s usually the point where you turn to your boyfriend or girlfriend of the day and tell them that you should break up.

“I don’t know if I can ever fall in love,” you tell your dad one day.

“You will eventually,” he replies, “You just haven’t found the right person yet. It’s okay to take your time. Love is just a normal part of life.”

You want to say that that wasn’t what you meant, but decide against it. Maybe you do just need to be patient. After all, your parents didn’t marry until they were in their thirties. 

You shouldn’t give up on love. Wendy Corduroy never gives up.

~

Dipper tells you that falling in love is a smooth transition from friendship to something else. You would try your hardest to improve yourself for their sake. The person you love would be your friend but also something more-something that made you into a better person than any friend could make. 

The line between friendship and romance is always blurred, he says, but there’s always that “oh shit” moment when you realized that you’ve been in love with someone for a while.

As Dipper talks, you stare at his square jaw and the stubble on his chin. He’s matured a lot since the first time you met him. You weren’t interested when he told you of his crush when he was twelve and you were fifteen, but now he is twenty-one and you just turned twenty-four last month. Dipper Pines is a person you could probably date, you decide.

You pause in the middle of a sip from your beer. Is this the “oh shit” moment that Dipper was just describing? Is this what it feels to be in love? Maybe this is some kind of irony-realizing you’re in love with someone you’ve known for nine years while he gives you a speech on what that feels like while the two of you get drunk in a gnome tavern. You don’t take the time to ponder what kind of irony that is, though. You’re too drunk off your ass for that.

You chug the rest of your beer and press your lips to Dipper’s. His lips don’t feel different from any other person’s-they’re just as cold and slimy. You pull away and take in his shocked expression.

“I’m in love with you,” you declare. Maybe if you say it enough times it would be true. Dipper’s had a crush on you for nine years. If anyone deserves to win the affection of his childhood crush, it’s Dipper.

This “love” thing doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would feel. That’s okay. You can work on that. Learning how to love makes you a better person-isn’t that the morale of every cartoon on TV? Doesn’t becoming a better person for someone’s sake prove that you’re in love with them?

You kiss Dipper again and this time he kisses you back. Together, the two of you make your way behind the tree of the tavern. Dipper puts a hand on your waist and slides it under your shirt. You freeze.

“Stop,” you say. Dipper hurriedly pulls his hand away.

“I-I’m sorry, Wendy,” he says, “I thought-“

“It’s not your fault,” you say, “I-I just don’t think I can pretend anymore.”

Dipper apologizes again, and you apologize back. He says that it’s getting late and that he should probably get home so you let him. You head back to the tavern.

The bartender raises an eyebrow when you return. “Shmebulock?” he teases.

“Shut up,” you grumble, “Give me your strongest liquor.” You slide a stack of coins on the counter. “And put some fairy dust in it.”

~

After Dipper, you try to love Mabel. After that, it’s Pacifica Northwest, and then that sexy manotaur from the forest. By the time Stan holds a party to celebrate the twin’s college graduations; you can look around at all the young adults in the room and confidently say that you’ve tried to love almost half of them.

Years pass and one day you realize that you’re older than your parents were when they got married. Your friends have all somehow learned how to love and have left you falling behind. Your dad says he doesn’t care if he gets grandchildren but wishes that you would date someone already if only to sate the loneliness you weren’t aware you felt.

Mabel had moved to Gravity Falls permanently after marrying Candy and tries her best to set you up with people-younger men, older women, the Multi-bear-and fails every time.

“I’m not giving up!” she says, “Mabel Chiu-Pines always helps people find their other half!”

Other half-now that’s an interesting term. Why do you need another half? Can’t you just be whole as yourself? No. That’s not possible. If you could be whole as yourself you wouldn’t feel like you’re missing something all the time like people say you are.

~

Romance, Stan tells you, is a scam. Sometimes people end up being happy with someone they put a ring on, but other times it just ends up being stiff and boring.

“Romance is overrated,” he says, “I’ve tried for half my life to be a lady’s man and all it got me were messy breakups and a divorce. Romance is nice for a while, I guess, but it’s not something you’d die for like they do in the movies.”

“But I’m worried that without love I’ll die alone and-“

“Corduroy,” Stan says, “I haven’t gone on a date for almost twenty years. Do you think I’m going to die alone?”

“No. You’ve got Ford and Dipper and Mabel and-“

“Exactly. I’m talking about romance. You’re talking about love. Those are two different things. You don’t have to love someone romantically to love them. The person I love the most in the world is my brother-is it really the end of the world if that’s the case?”

“Technically you did cause the end of the world-“

Stan waves his hand at you. “That’s beside the point,” he says, “what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t worry about not finding someone to bang or marry or whatever it is people do these days. Maybe you’ll find someone you’ll want to do that with someday. But if you don’t, there are still people you love that love you.”

~

To love, you decide, is to enjoy the presence of someone whose well being you care about. It’s why you call Dipper for the umpteenth time to make sure he’s eaten while he works on his research paper. It’s why you babysit Mabel’s daughter even though the kid always scribbles all over your furniture. It’s why you go for drinks with Soos and Stan, and why you lend your pickup truck to your high school friends to go on joyrides like the old times.

To love someone is not to kiss them or to take off their clothes or to slip a ring on their finger, at least not for you. That is just one kind of love that you can easily replace with another. You don’t need to find your other half, because you are already one whole Wendy Corduroy.

You are Wendy Corduroy. You love your friends and family. Isn’t that enough?

**Author's Note:**

> Is Wendy Corduroy actually ace-aro? Who knows? Am I gonna project on a fictional character anyway? You fucking bet.


End file.
